the one about men

I think men are simple. They belong to the same species as us women, and thats where the biologists are wrong. But biology is a science, and the study of men is not a science but an art. Men are so different from us that it required a certain psychologist and author to compare us to two separate planets to drive home his point! I consider myself quite an authority on men and how they think, and I here's how I got that way.
I was born 13 months before my brother, and life threw at us so many brickbats and curve balls, that learning to dodge them drew us extraordinarily close to each other. He came to me with every single problem and I helped him out as best I could. Sometimes helping him out took the risky form of prompting him with the right spelling, while our tyrant mother was distracted, all the while keeping one eye on her current weapon of choice. Sometimes it involved gaping liked a fish out of water as he told the above mentioned tyrant an outrageous lie with such sincerity, that even Thomas (known for his untrusting nature) would believe. Once it involved pulling his foot out of the space between the railway sleeper and the metal track while a train screamed its shrill protest in the not-so-far distance... But I learned how his mind worked. When he came to me with girl problems, I told him what to say. And I learned how his mind worked. I learned what he perceived to be a problem. These things I was able to apply to my other boy friends. And because their problems seemed so natural to me, the solutions so simple, they found it easy to talk to me. And I found it easy to understand them.
When I married Edgar, I learned new things. One of the biggest revelations I had about men was this:
I repeat, men are simple creatures. Feed them. They are easy to manage when their tummies are full. Don't deny them alcohol. It makes them want it more. Not because they want it, but because they want to feel like they have control over their decisions. Don't ask them how they FEEL. They don't know and they get totally stressed with wondering how to answer. Instead of thinking about their feelings, they're trying to figure out what exactly you want to hear. They will most probably get you wrong and you'll end up fighting. Don't try to protect them. Let them ride their big bikes and play their rough games. Just pray that they break nothing more than a collar bone. Appreciate them. Everybody likes that. Smile at them. Its probably why they fell in love with you. Remember why you fell in love with him. Its probably the thing that irritates you the most about him, but whatever...
I know that apart from feeding them, the rest are virtually impossible for us to follow. I struggle with the rest everyday. But at least I try. If you want the man in your life to be happy, and the man can be your husband, your brother or your son, I suggest you try. There's nothing nicer than a happy man. He'll play with your kids, massage your feet and even do the dishes... It makes it all worthwhile...
And oh, have sex... they really love that. Its easy on you too...  

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