the one about happiness

I know the secret to HAPPINESS! This is my secret.
Sounds strange? Selfish? Take a minute to think about it... I might like to think of myself as some kind of martyr. I may say to myself, "oh I have to do this load of laundry and most of it is Edgar's, and look at him! He's sitting there watching TV... enjoying himself!" But what's actually going on, is that at some deep primal level, it makes me feel good to be taking care of the man I love. It makes me happy to think of myself as a good wife. Not it makes Edgar happy to think of me as a good wife, but it makes me happy to think of myself as a good wife. If it really bothered me, doing the laundry, rest assured, I'd find some excuse not to do it. I'm pretty good at that. And also, now that I'm aware of the secret, I have no compulsions about not doing the laundry if I don't think doing it will bring me any significant measure of pleasure. I not worried about being thought of as a bad housekeeper. Better a bad housekeeper than a miserable bitchy wife!
The other day, I had to wash Adam's bum. Again. I was tired and really did not fancy smelling shit at that point. So I asked Edgar to do it. He said, "You do it, you're better at it than I am." Like I've done some special course in bum-washing or something! Man, was I pissed off...A thousand scathing remarks surged through my brain, rushing to the tip of my tongue like Air India hostesses going for the fruit...(non Air Indians please read: like a fire in dry grass).  But then I caught Adam looking up at us, wide eyed. Confused. My heart missed a beat. I picked him up. And began looking for things that would give me pleasure. His tiny soft bum appearing, shiny and brown, clean now. The smell of his silky hair now close to my nose as I bent over him... This moment of private togetherness, just the two of us.. And then as if he sensed it, he turned up his little face, pursed his lips and kissed me. Just like that, I was very happy.
I guess my point is that happiness is a very transient state of mind. I'm happier now than I was one minute ago, and not as happy as I was yesterday. Happiness comes from within and we carry it with us wherever we go. I see husbands leaving wives, wives hurting husbands all looking for happiness. You're never going to find it outside yourself. YOU are responsible for making YOURSELF happy. Not your husband, not your wife, and certainly not your kids. If they do, its because you choose to look at the wonderful things they do,and acknowledge them. And if they don't its because you're not digging deep enough..
Also, I have a list of things that make me truly happy. Simple things, like solving my crossword, dancing, music, scrapbooking, reading, a good sitcom.. Just my 'things'. Regular stuff. But I make sure I do at least one thing from my list everyday.
That's it. That's my secret.
So go out there and be happy!  

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